Next time you're put under. Not down. Just in case the anesthesiologist fails to actually sedate you I offer a few words of advice:one. Be sure to alert the surgeon to whichever part of your anatomy you would feel least okay with having mocked. Nothing is safe from their viscious rhetoric.
two. Have a music preference in writing. Since they make you sign your life away. Go ahead. Make them sign their music privileges away. It will save you much heartache when you are paralyzed and unable to voice extreme discomfort when the surgeon chooses to listen to three hours of dolly parton or p-diddy hizzle whatevizzle. this particular discomfort coupled with surgical incisions and tissue cauterization would undoubtedly be more than any mortal could bare.
three. Better yet. Bring your ipod.
four. don't be alarmed when the surgeon burns or cuts himself. he's just trying to empathize. if he yelps take it as a sign he is successfully internalizing your pain.
five. when you do wake up. I encourage you to not punch the nurses. don't be offended when the anesthesiologist decides to rate your wake up on a scale measuring sexiness. better yet. be as sexy as possible.
six. don't ask for whatever was removed from your body. that's disgusting. not classy. your friends will not be impressed and it will not store well.
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